Sometimes I can get wrapped up in myself. I’m sure I’m not the only one. I look at my life, and I see problems everywhere; everything seems to be happening to me. Everyone seems to do things just to spite me. It sounds like the thoughts of a paranoid freak, and perhaps I am. But these thoughts creep into my mind every once in a while.
Fortunately these bouts of paranoia and feeling sorry for myself seem to last only a few days, then I find relief. It’s almost as if for a few days something takes over my thoughts and feelings, bringing me further and further down, then suddenly it leaves, and I can think clearly again.
It’s hard to explain the refreshing clarity I feel when the haze lifts. It’s like driving down a foggy road, when suddenly the fog lifts, or it’s like waking up in the morning and putting on my glasses. I didn’t want to be in the fog, nor do I enjoy my self-absorbed moments, but it does happen. And when it finally subsides, I breathe a sigh of relief.
Stepping back and taking a look at the bigger picture really helps me to come back to reality. The world does not revolve around me; that childish thinking. I believe in a wonderful God who made all kinds of people, and these people act and react to all things differently for reasons that have nothing to do with me. It sounds silly to hear that out loud, but to be honest, sometimes I need to hear it.
On the same note, our world is riddled with evil and sin, and because of that, things happen that aren’t necessarily “just to bring me down”. Instead, they are more likely trials that God would have me go through for now to learn something for later.
If I look at the world this way, life seems easier. It seems to make more sense. It’s comforting for me to know that everything that happens and everyone I meet is part of a bigger picture, part of a bigger plan. A plan that, albeit, I don’t know, but I am happy to have a part in.
Earlier this week I had been in a haze, but it has lifted. I am glad to be rid of my pitiful and self-centered thoughts for now. I can only pray their return is less than swift and their next stay very brief.